{"id":776,"date":"2010-03-07T17:58:59","date_gmt":"2010-03-07T23:58:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/snarkysquab.com\/?p=776"},"modified":"2010-03-07T17:58:59","modified_gmt":"2010-03-07T23:58:59","slug":"oscars-2010-liveblogging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/?p=776","title":{"rendered":"Oscars 2010 liveblogging"},"content":{"rendered":"

OK, there are about to be a whole passle of people at my house for the awards viewing, but I have been requested to live blog the event, so I will do my best to share sporadic snarky thoughts with you as the evening progresses. Just know this: if Avatar<\/em> wins Best Picture, I WILL CUT SOMEONE. Let’s enjoy! (New content will be at the top; scroll down for older stuff.)<\/p>\n

Summary: Pretty boring ceremony overall, but some nice moments and LOVE that Avatar was limited to tech awards. I only predicted 13 categories correctly, an all-time low. Better luck next year.<\/p>\n

10:57 – Are you shitting me right now? They played “I am woman, hear me roar” as Kathryn Bigelow exited. Gross.<\/p>\n

10:55 – AWESOME. I hope this milestone is rapidly followed by a whole shitload of other female directors, producers, technicians, and all those other male-dominated categories. Woo!<\/p>\n

10:50 – Is anyone else over Sean Penn? Please let Meryl win … pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseDAMMIT. OK. Sandra Bullock’s year. It’s cool. Well, now I’m just crying. Nice speech, lady.<\/p>\n

10:35 – Yay! Jeff! The Dude abides!<\/p>\n

10:25 – I’m sure these homages for the best actor\/actress nominees are incredibly embarrassing for the performers, but I really like how they all get honored and recognized.<\/p>\n

10:15 – Enough with the lamp backdrop!<\/p>\n

10:10 – So how did they pick which stars were going to preview each of the Best Picture nominees? Because, Keanu Reeves? Really?<\/p>\n

9:50 – I just … what the hell does the dancing mean? Why are they break dancing to the Hurt Locker<\/em> score? Now they’re doing fucked up robotic mime shit for Up<\/em>. WHAT IS GOING ON?<\/p>\n

9:45 – OK,\u00a0 I need something fun to start happening. Maybe a pie in someone’s face, some explosions … this dance sequence is NOT DOING IT FOR ME.<\/p>\n

9:35 – Still not sure about Sandra Bullock’s dress, but her hair is bee-you-ti-ful. Whoa, dramatic entrance for Demi! Oh … it’s for the in memoriam section. Here’s where I discover all the people who died that I thought were already dead.<\/p>\n

9:20 – Kristen Stewart is bringing out my inner cranky grandma again. For Christ’s sake, LOOK HAPPY. Or at least DON’T LOOK BORED. I have no patience with that disaffected youth crap. GET OFFA MY LAWN!<\/p>\n

9:12 – Honestly. Charlize. No one with your genetic gifts should have CRAZY SATIN TUMOR ROSES on her boobs. Why?<\/p>\n

9:10 – Look, I just really need James Cameron’s wife to eat a sandwich, OK?<\/p>\n

8:58 – Well, this one (supporting actress) isn’t even a contest. But, wow, what a strong category this year. Love the flowers in Mo’nique’s hair.<\/p>\n

8:50 – Dammit, I’m only five out of nine for picking the winners. This having kids thing is WRECKING my pop culture cred.<\/p>\n

8:40 – Oh, Ben Stiller. You’re allllllllmost pulling this off.<\/p>\n

8:32 – Can we just have cute Frenchmen accept all the awards? I applause you, monsieur.<\/p>\n

8:30 – My mom: “Why is Carey Mulligan wearing chandeliers on her ears?” Nobody knows, Ma. Nobody knows.<\/p>\n

8:25 – Um, is Judd Nelson dying of some wasting disease? Dude looks ROUGH.<\/p>\n

8:15 – Tina Fey and Robert Downey, Jr. need to do a project together. They’re both funny as hell, and also I would sleep with either one of them. TMI?<\/p>\n

8:02 – Seriously. Who likes Miley Cyrus? Anyone? Bueller? I would say that I was SO OVER her, except I never was under her in the first place. Wait … that sounds wrong. She’s making my inner crabby grandma come out. STAND UP STRAIGHT, YOUNG LADY.<\/p>\n

7:55 – That was an awesome Jimmy Kimmel commercial.<\/p>\n

7:50 – OK, I loved the opening. Way to Busby Berkeley it up! And Christoph Waltz, whose win I TOTALLY CALLED, is adorable.<\/p>\n

7:05 – GEORGE. You are letting us DOWN. You’re our generation’s Cary Grant! Cary Grant does not wear a freaking MULLET. What the what?<\/p>\n

7:01 – Hi, Sherry Shepard. Perhaps you should invest in some more supportive undergarments.<\/p>\n

6:40 – Gabourey Sidibe, I frickin’ LOVE you. You look gorgeous, and I love how much you’re enjoying this whole thing. OMG. “If fashion is porn, this dress is the money shot!” LOVE.<\/p>\n

6:15 – WHAT IN THE HELL IS SARAH JESSICA PARKER WEARING? Really? You can’t get your dress to actually fit you in back? Also, here’s a tip: ideally, your hairdo should not be bigger than your actual HEAD. Unless you’re, say Marie Antoinette. And we all know what happened to her. Just sayin’.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK, there are about to be a whole passle of people at my house for the awards viewing, but I have been requested to live blog the event, so I will do my best to share sporadic snarky thoughts with you as the evening progresses. Just know this: if Avatar wins Best Picture, I WILL […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[31],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/776"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=776"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/776\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=776"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=776"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.snarkysquab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=776"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}