This hungry all the time shit is getting STUPID

As of tomorrow Hoss will officially be 15 weeks old, which means his/her mommy, aka moi, is sort of looking forward to this much-vaunted “honeymoon trimester” that has all the mommy guides waxing so goddamn lyrical. Now is when the nausea is supposed to dissipate, right? And I’m supposed to start craving food rather than barely tolerating it, yes? And wasn’t there something about a “healthy glow” from all that extra blood pumping through my veins? Well, maybe someone should tell all of this to my fetus, because frankly, it ain’t happening yet and I’m FRICKING READY.

Actually, it’s not completely true to say nothing has changed. I’m no longer nauseated ALL the time, which is sort of refreshing. Now I just have bad days or bad hours (Hoss is not at all fond of getting up early, I find. So it must be my kid, which is a relief.) And I’m certainly experiencing a more … shall we say, active form of hunger than I did in the 1st trimester. But calling this urge merely “hunger” doesn’t quite seem to do it justice. I tend to associate hunger and the subsequent sating of such as rather pleasurable experiences. (Yet more proof that I’m the product of an imperialist hegemonic culture, I know, but bear with me here.) The way it goes is, 1) feel hungry, 2) find something good to eat, 3) enjoy good food, 4) stop being hungry. I mean, that’s the way it’s supposed to work, right?

But hunger avec le Hoss is something altogether different. Because with Hoss, there’s no gray area. There’s no “sort of” hungry. It’s less “gee, mother, I feel a bit peckish” and more “GIVE ME SOME GODDAMN FOOD, BEEYOTCH!” I mean, it’s violent, this hunger. And so sudden! You know how if you’re really hungry and you wait too long to eat you sort of start to feel sick? Yeah, well that’s how I feel RIGHT AWAY. Like, to the 10th power. So Hoss is all like HONGRY! MUST EAT NOW! ROOOAAAAR! and I’m all like Shit, nothing sounds good! Shit, if I don’t eat in the next 5 minutes I will actually die! Shit! And then when I *do* finally shove some food down my craw to pacify the little bugger, I can’t usually eat much at one go (see: feeling sick, above) and the result is that the “sated” part lasts a total of 90 minutes, MAX. And then the whole thing starts all over again. And what’s even MORE awesome is that I hear this shit only gets more pronounced the farther along I am.

So overall: not a huge fan, I must say. And if this is the honeymoon period I better be getting a goddamned good 1st anniversary present to make up for it, or we are going to need some serious marriage counseling, young Hoss. Do you hear me? Hmmph.

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