What I’d like to know

Do babies and kids count for the carpool lane? Or is it just people of driving age?

How to make me giggle like a 14-year-old boy

When talking about certain home improvements in the bathroom, take generous advantage of the caulk/cock homophone, as in “Yeah, I’m gonna give that tub some caulk. Gonna fill all its crevices with my thick, white caulk. It’s gonna get all the caulk it can handle, uh-huh. Ima squeeze my caulk out all OVER that tub.”

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Return to Sender

Oy. Sorry about the lack of postage lately. (Get it? ‘Return to sender?’ ‘Lack of postage?’ Get it!??!?) It’s been a busy week, and the upcoming weeks show no sign of letting up. I’ve got some freelance and theatre projects cranking up, and then the first week of October we’re going down south for my […]

Ships Ahoy!

It’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day, me hearties. Parent Hacks has a great set of links to pirate books and other paraphernalia to get your kids in the mood. Fun stuff.

5 Months Old

Dearest Hatchling,

Today you are 5 months old – I can hardly believe it! We went to visit some friends who’ve just had a baby, and it didn’t seem real that you were that small such a short time ago. If you’d asked me last year, I’d’ve said that five months wasn’t really that long […]

Portrait of a Sick Baby

The Hatchling is having her first cold. It manifested itself in a runny nose yesterday, and escalated to a 102 degree fever this afternoon. Other than being a little more cuddly and needing more naps than usual, she’s been her usual sunny self; but when her fever got high and her nose was so […]

When I assume my rightful place as queen of the universe

Things that will be banned:1. Leaf blowers – man, do I hate those things. They make a noise just like a dentist’s drill.2. Asshole drivers who cut in front of me in the parking lot and take my space.3. 98% of network TV.4. Vehicles with insanely loud bass speakers. I don’t care if you want […]

Solid. Solid as a Rock.

Or at least a rice grain. Yes, after several comically failed attempts, the Hatchling is eating solids. Our pediatrician had suggested that we start her on fruits or vegetables rather than rice cereal, which sounded kind of bizarre to me. But we gamely tried it, and you should have SEEN the faces she made. Not […]

Lullaby, and good night

So, I know he’s not for everyone, but I bleeping love Dr. Ferber. His sentiments fit really well with our parenting style, and I swear to god his is the ONLY book on children’s sleep habits that isn’t badly written, condescending, or oversimplified. It’s so refreshing to read a parenting book that treats you like […]

Quackery

Dear Dr. Weissbluth,

In your renowned book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, you state, and I quote: “Teething, contrary to popular belief, does not cause night waking.” To which my response is:

HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA! HA! HA!

Translation: You, sir, are full of shit.